i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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