Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
then he tried to convert me to islam
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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