it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
