I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have post one night stand depression
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
