I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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