I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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