first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
