remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
