It's like God shit irony all over that family
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
