I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
