Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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