She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
