THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
