you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I checked into jail on foursquare
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have post one night stand depression
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