yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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