There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
