my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I smell stomach acid.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
