the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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