I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize