i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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