I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
