yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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