so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
