we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize