I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
