let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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