I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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