I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
