never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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