I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
