Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
