all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
