pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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