Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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