Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
