What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
