Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
ok first of all what the fuck
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
