I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I bet he comes in French.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
