I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
