I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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