Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
