I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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