my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
