I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
