So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
