Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
