thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
