Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
