I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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