You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
