my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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