every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
