they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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