Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's shark week go big or go home
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
