Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
