His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
