Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
