I think I won the penis lottery.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize