Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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