Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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