I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize