did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
