Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
