he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
