well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
