FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize