At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
