Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
