Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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