Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
