matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
