an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
