Just took my morning after pill in the library
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
