we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize