You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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