you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
