I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
