And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
