Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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