Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have fence marks all over my body
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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