i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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