but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
