If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
