Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
please come you make the beer taste better
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
