come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
