I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
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