Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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